The Doctor Visit
Why menopause care still fails women and how partnership can close the gap
Menopause happens to every woman. Quality care for it does not. That is why so many women spend years confused, misdiagnosed, or dismissed. The healthcare system was not built for menopause, and most doctors were barely trained to recognize it.
The Training Gap
The math is bleak:
Only about 20 percent of U.S. OB-GYN residencies include menopause training (Menopause Society Report, 2023).
That is like training one in five pilots and wondering why planes keep missing the runway.
A January 2025 McKinsey Health Institute report on the women’s health gap calls out menopause as a critical area of under-training in medicine. It recommends that medical schools, licensing boards, and continuing-education bodies expand menopause education and certification so clinicians are equipped to recognize and treat hormonal transitions accurately. The report notes that improving provider training in menopause care is essential to closing diagnostic gaps and reducing mismanagement of midlife women’s health.
Hormone Therapy: The PR Problem
In 2002, the Women’s Health Initiative claimed hormone therapy increased risks of cancer and heart disease. Media panic followed. Prescriptions plummeted.
The truth is more nuanced:
The study focused on women much older than the typical menopausal patient.
Later analyses showed risks were overstated for women under 60 or within 10 years of menopause onset (Mehta J et al., Frontiers in Endocrinology, 2021).
HRT can reduce hot flashes, improve sleep, protect bones, and lower diabetes risk (Manson JE et al., JAMA, 2017).
Today, The Menopause Society and The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) agree: for most healthy women under 60 or within a decade of menopause, the benefits outweigh the risks. But fewer than one in three who could benefit get it.
Why?
Outdated fear from 2002 still drives medical decisions.
Most doctors are not trained in modern HRT protocols.
Liability concerns and time pressures make doctors avoid complex care.
Gender bias frames menopause as “natural,” not medical.
Certified specialists are rare, mostly urban.
The result: millions of women suffer unnecessarily while effective treatment options go unprescribed.
Beyond Hormones
Not every woman wants or can take HRT. Other paths exist with mixed results:
Medications like SSRIs, SNRIs, gabapentin, or clonidine can help, but often bring side effects.
Lifestyle changes such as exercise, nutrition, and mindfulness make a real difference, but do not erase all symptoms.
Supplements such as soy isoflavones (particularly the isoflavone compound genistein) or black cohosh show promise in studies.
Full disclosure: I’m a co-owner of The Menopause Shoppe, which is an online marketplace for menopause care products including plant-based supplements.
The Specialist Factor
Certified Menopause Practitioners exist through The Menopause Society directory (link below). They actually study this field. Access is limited, but finding one can transform care. Women treated by specialists are more likely to receive evidence-based care, including HRT when appropriate.
Why Men Matter Here
This is where you show up. She might leave the doctor’s office frustrated or dismissed. Advocating for yourself in health care can be hard, even for the most informed. This is your moment, not to take over but to stand beside her.
Your job is to help her be heard if she wants it.
Listen.
Ask questions.
Take notes.
Keep the focus on her needs, not the doctor’s agenda.
Showing Up Matters: VitalTalks Lesson
At a recent VitalTalks event hosted by the Women’s Health Collective of Canada, I asked the panel a question men do not ask often enough:
“What advice do you have for men who want to show up for the women in their lives in the doctor’s office so they are not dismissed or unheard?”
The panel was stacked with expertise and empathy:
Nneka Ezurike — Pharmacist, pharmacy owner, co-founder of Black Pharmacy Professionals of Canada, and board member of the Shoppers Foundation for Women’s Health™
Dr. Iliana Lega — Endocrinologist and researcher at Women’s College Hospital; Associate Professor of Medicine, University of Toronto
Rachel Ollivier — Women’s health researcher
Shirley Weir — Speaker, author, menopause advocate, and founder of Menopause Chicks
Dr. Nese Yuksel — Professor Emeritus and women’s health researcher, Faculty of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences, University of Alberta; President, Canadian Menopause Society
Moderator: Sarah Moore, health and wellness journalist, National Post
When I asked my question, it was Shirley Weir who delivered the message every ally needs to hear. She said:
“Men should show up the same way they would for any loved one: curious, informed, and supportive. Do a bit of research beforehand and leave the urge to fix things at the door.”
If you’re like me, your instinct is to jump straight to solutions. Most men are hardwired to do this. The real challenge is holding back, and that restraint is often the most powerful way to show up for someone.
Instead, before the appointment, you can ask her thoughtful questions like:
“What role would you like me to play in this appointment?”
“Would you like me to stay quiet?”
“Would it help if I took notes or recorded what’s said?”
“Would you like me to step in if something needs clarifying?”
Shirley also reminded everyone that the individual for whom the appointment is for can also help by asking their partner to paraphrase or jot down key points when things feel overwhelming.
Her message was clear: show up to support, not to solve.
This is what allyship looks like in real time: two people working together to make sure one is seen, heard, and supported. It is not about control or expertise. It is about teamwork, empathy, and care. When men show up this way, it changes more than one appointment. It can change the system.
The Bottom Line
Menopause care is still catching up. The system is not built for menopause care, and most doctors are not trained for it. That is why partnership matters.
When men step in with empathy instead of ego, it changes the dynamic in the room. You do not have to fix it, you just have to show up. Listen, ask questions, and back her up when she is not being heard.
Being an ally does not mean taking over. It means standing beside her, helping her get the care she deserves, and making sure she leaves that appointment feeling supported, not dismissed.
This is teamwork in action. Partnership, empathy, and advocacy working together to close the care gap.
Disclaimer:
This publication is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and should not replace consultation with a qualified healthcare professional. Always talk to your doctor before making decisions about diagnosis, treatment, or medication.
Useful Links and Resources
Find a Menopause-Trained Clinician
Find a Certified Menopause Practitioner (The Menopause Society Directory) — searchable database by city or postal code (U.S. and Canada).
Women’s Health Collective of Canada — advocacy, research, and access to Canadian menopause resources.
North American Menopause Society Patient Education Center — updated clinical guidance and patient tools.
Understand Hormone Therapy and Evidence
JAMA Study: Long-Term Outcomes of HRT (2017) — follow-up of the Women’s Health Initiative showing no increased mortality risk.
Frontiers in Endocrinology Review (2021) — explains benefits and modern context of HRT.
The Menopause Society Position Statement on Hormone Therapy (2022) — current clinical consensus.
Tools to Help Track and Support
The Menopause Shoppe Perimenopause Science and Symptoms workbook - This free guide will help you understand hormones, and there are helpful symptom tracker tools. Bring with you to the doctor's appointment.
The Menopause Shoppe Menopause Science and Symptoms workbook - Free guide for those in Menopause. Nine easy-to-read chapters and tools that are helpful to bring to a doctor’s appointment.
Balance App — symptom tracking and education developed by Dr. Louise Newson.
Midday App (Mayo Clinic) — evidence-based symptom and lifestyle tracking.
Evernow — telemedicine menopause care platform available in the U.S.
For Men Wanting to Learn More
Reddit: r/WTFisMenopause — growing peer community for WTF Is Menopause readers.
Reddit: r/MenopauseShedForMen — active peer community of men asking questions and sharing resources.
WTF is Menopause Substack Archive — The playbook focused on helping men understand and show up better.
Menopause Chicks — education and community founded by Shirley Weir.
Mental Health and Relationship Support
Psychology Today Therapist Finder — to locate therapists familiar with midlife transitions.
Gottman Institute: Supporting Your Partner’s Health Journey — communication-based strategies for couples.