The Playbook is now available!
Today, I’m launching Menopause Science: The Playbook. It is a practical guide for men who want to support the women in their lives but do not know where to start.
For a limited time, choose what you pay, starting at $1.
https://menopausescience.gumroad.com/l/theplaybook
Women are often expected to do two jobs during menopause.
The first job is managing the symptoms.
Disrupted sleep, brain fog, unpredictable periods, hot flashes, and changes in mood, energy, desire, and the body you thought you knew.
The second job is explaining all of this to everyone around them.
Why they feel exhausted.
Why sex might feel different.
Why patience is shorter than usual.
Men are not given a framework for this.
Most men learned something about puberty. Some received a passable version of sex education.
Almost none were taught about perimenopause.
We did not learn that perimenopause can start years before a woman’s last period. We were not told that hormones can change unpredictably, not just slowly drop. We were not taught that menopause can affect sleep, memory, mood, body shape, sexual comfort, relationships, and work performance.
So when these changes start, many men react the way people do when they don’t have enough information.
We take it personally.
We see exhaustion as withdrawal.
We see lower desire as rejection.
We see brain fog as carelessness.
We see emotional changes as a relationship problem that needs to be fixed right away.
Women end up managing the symptoms and also trying to convince those closest to them that these symptoms are real.
Know. Cope. Act
The Playbook is not a heavy medical textbook. It is a practical reference built around three things men need to do:
Know what is happening to her body, including the science, symptoms, and the invisible cognitive load she might be carrying.
Cope with our own confusion, fear, frustration, and the urge to take these changes personally, without making those feelings her problem.
Act by being helpful at home, being more present at medical appointments, learning about treatment options, and responding in a positive way when things get tough.
Section 1 - Know:
The Invisible Transition: What is happening to your body, and why nobody warned us.
The B.A.S.I.C.S. card: Six symptom groups, one card, keep it in his phone
The Cognitive Load: What you’re carrying. How to take real parts of it off your plate.
Section 2 - Cope:
The Toll: What this is doing to us, and why saying so is not a betrayal of the women in our lives.
The Trap: The moves that feel like relief but can cost the relationship.
The Outlet: Where the feeling goes, so we can come back steadier.
Section 3 - Act:
The Doctor Visit: Why the system fails women. How we can navigate it anyway. Includes prep sheet and 4 questions that screen out a dismissive doctor
Treatment & Tools: What the evidence says about HRT, non-hormonal options, and lifestyle.
At Home: What to do, what to say, and what to stop doing.
Additional Resources
The Bad Night Protocol: Step by step, for when tonight is the bad night
The Hot Flash Response: Help cool down without making it a thing
The Apology Template: For when we already said the wrong thing
40 ready-to-use AI prompts for ongoing support
Real Reader stories from men who’ve been through it
This guide does not ask men to become menopause experts.
It asks us to learn enough so women do not have to do all the work.
It asks us to process our emotions through constructive channels, not her.
Why I wrote it
When I was 16, my mother was going through perimenopause while I was going through puberty.
Neither of us understood what was happening. My father did not have a framework either. Menopause was not something families talked about, and it definitely was not something boys learned about.
Years later, while working in women’s health, I kept hearing the same question from men:
“How do I support her?”
I spent months listening to hundreds of men share their experiences in online forums. Many did not understand menopause or what it could put a woman through. They felt alone because the subject was rarely discussed, and they had no perspective beyond what they were experiencing at home.
Most of these men were not uncaring. They were unprepared. They wanted to help but did not understand what was happening or what useful support looked like.
If a reader finishes this guide thinking, “I learned something,” or “I better understand what the women I love may be experiencing,” then I have done my job.
Understanding creates empathy. Empathy changes how we respond, how we support the people we love, and how we take care of ourselves.
Here is what the early reader feedback has had to say:
“This is the first time I’ve read something that I can actually relate to. It’s only been a couple of weeks but I feel better placed to understand my wife and what she’s going through, it’s helped me catch a breath and not engage in an argument that no one will win. Genuinely life changing and I told my buddies about this over our weekly coffee catch up. Thank you for changing my family’s lives.”
- Mike H., 47 Hoboken, New Jersey
“I’ve read it twice now - and will read it again. It’s evidence-backed, yet concise. It gives the theory, yet puts it into practice. It’s good; I really enjoyed it, and it helped me realize what I do well and where I fail. I think most importantly, it helped me reframe my mind away from: “it’s me”, as I tend to take things personally.”
-Anonymous, 50 UK
Who should you send it to?
Send it to the partner who wants to help but keeps getting it wrong.
Send it to the husband who thinks menopause is just about hot flashes.
Send it to the son who wants to understand what his mother is experiencing.
Send it to the brother who needs to learn more.
Send it to the friend who has said that something at home has changed and he does not know what to do.